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Five months later …

Grief is a pain that lasts forever.

It may not be a physical pain but it is an emotional pain inside your heart, the feeling that your heart is torn into pieces yet it continues to beat as life goes on.  It is not a pain that could ease with a painkiller or any form of medication.  It just stays with you every moment of your life.  In bad days, you grieve as soon as you wake up till you go to bed at night.  It doesn’t disappear when you sleep because the brain stays awake and you dream of your loved one and some nights you see the trauma of your loved one dying right in front of you.

You miss her more and more each passing day.  Time does not heal, in fact, it makes the missing feeling stronger and knowing that she will never come back.

I believe that one can only be at peace once you have accepted your loss and do your best to live on with it.  One day, I may be able to accept that Bom is gone but only when I get her the justice that she was gone sooner than she would have been with proper medical care.  She could at least have spent some quality time with us during her end days but that was robbed from us due to the lack of specialist care she received at the hospital.

Before that, how does it sound to you that the company she worked for made her resign without going through all procedures to find out why a productive employee suddenly became so slacked in her work?

My beloved daughter suddenly passed away on 29 October 2019 after a short sickness.  That was only six weeks after being made to resign.  Losing her job must be a huge blow and stress for her.  She lost her dignity and she deteriorated so quickly.  Her death was totally unexpected.  We knew she was terminal but being diagnosed on 4 October 2019 and died on 29 October 2019 was something we cannot accept.  If she had been under specialist care to the very end, we would never have got a discharged certificate with her cause of death as “Patient died from a suspected hemorrhage while waiting for treatment”.

Five months later, we are still grieving badly.  I had three children and they were all very close to each other.  My daughter and my son lost their sister.  It was terrible for my elder daughter, Jo.  She lost her confidant, her friend, and only sister.  I lost my baby girl and her father too lost his baby girl.  This creative daughter of ours, our star just suddenly stopped shinning and disappeared into the dark clouds.


As we stay strong trying to heal from our loss, it doesn’t get any easier as the world fights Covid 19.  Such an extraordinary and frightening pandemic.  Limiting our movements and staying at home makes me miss my Bom more than ever.

Losing Bom was the ultimate tragedy.

Nothing can be more devastating.

Why is this happening to us?

Five months on, I have no answer to this.

On a positive note, I can only say to Bom, “thank you for being born my daughter”.

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