August 1988 vs August 2020

AUGUST is month eight
8 regarded as the luckiest number in Chinese culture
1988 our baby Bom was to be born
that year of the golden dragon.

12 August 1988 was 3 days before her EDD
Intense pain and continuous pushing almost in vain
An exhausted mummy with oxygen to aid
Finally 1.30pm, Judith Yolanda Ngeaw Hui-Hui was born.

31 happy years
Bom was my second child
My closest, a child I spent the most time babysitting
Taro Fresh Cream Chiffon, our favorite cake.

12 August 2020
My baby would have turned 32
Instead, she will always be our 31-year-old baby forever
August my favorite month became my most painful month.

Today
That physical pain of childbirth was nothing compared to losing a child.  Struggling with complicated grief is something I have to live with for life.  Mentally telling myself to ‘grow my heart’ and make it bigger and bigger each day to fill my love and grief because grief is just love with no place to go.

Grief lasts as long as love lasts which is often forever.  Painfully but patiently, I am waiting for Bom to hold out her hand to me and bring me over to her side so we can be together in a safe haven where there is no pain, no sorrow, no parting, and no death.

Nevetheless, I am mummy to three children, Joanne, Judith and Joel.  Nothing will ever take that away from me.

 

Taro Cake
We brought orchids and daffodills from her EE.  A lovely pink Swan watering can.  A Taro Cake from Navi. Your gesture touched my heart. Thank you.
Jo's cake
Your sister Jo must be the first to visit. We saw Jo’s message to you written on the cake box and the cakes she got for you.

 

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